I am a convert. I am on the bandwagon. I am taken by the tide. The menstrual tide. The women-rhythm towards greener, cheaper, safer periods. Hurrah!

I’m not usually a risk-taker but I’m glad that I took a chance on this. Everyone I’ve spoken to that has made the change would never go back. If you’re on a budget, the £21.99 price tag on a Mooncup feels like a big chunk, but you will save so much money in the long run. Depending on your previous sanitary product choices, switching to a Mooncup will pay for itself within about three months!

Benefits of the Mooncup:

  • It covers all different flows – from the first day of your period to the last, heavy to light.
  • It’s easy to clean and store.
  • It’s comfortable – once inserted you can’t feel it and can forget about it for 8 hours.
  • It’s discreet – no tampon strings sneaking out of your bikini bottoms
  • It doesn’t affect the natural balance of your vagina – you don’t get that drying, scratchy feeling.
  • No leaking – no ruined knickers: a human right, surely?

At the end of my first cycle, I have no complaints. It takes some practice at first and can take some time to cut the stem to sizebut who didn’t have an awkward learning curve with the dreaded tampon, anyway.

Go forth and cup yourself.



You are feeling very sleepy…

Bedtime, or bee-byes as its known to our gorgeous two year old niece, can be a tricky one. And, as usual, there’s no ‘one-size-fits-all’ technique for getting to Bedfordshire. It’s easy to get embroiled in an online debate or dither over the dishes and its difficult to call it a day. If you’re anything like me, the guilt of not having done something, or the day-after anxiety when you wake up in a shit-hole, can make it impossible to switch off and reduce that sleep deficit.

It’s not everyone’s cup of horlicks, but here are a few of my rules of thumb for making bee-byes as painless as possible:

  • 10 o’clock shadow: Have a planned bedtime. This can be different on different days if you have commitments mid-week. It helps to have an end-goal and makes it easier to let yourself stop.
  • Nightcap, anyone?: Alcohol is not a solution, and actually disturbs your restorative sleep so avoid at least an hour before bed. Warm, milky drinks like horlicks and unsweetened hot chocolate are great. Try non-dairy versions if you are lactose sensitive. Herbal teas are perfect if you want something lighter (in summer, for example). I like Pukka’s ‘Night-time’ and find peppermint or chamomile helpful, too.
  •  Thou art more temperate: Having a cool bedroom (temperature wise, your street cred doesn’t really come into it) will help you find the right sleeping climate. You can get cosy without being too hot. It’s easier to snuggle up that it is to cool down. Wear layers to bed in winter – more practical than a onesie. Unless you have a dragon onesie. Then always wear your dragon onesie.
  • Banish the beasts: Trust me, the last thing you want is a swift paw to the boob in the middle of the night. Nocturnal animals especially should be located elsewhere. Human and animal sleeping patterns are not always compatible.
  • List-less: If your mind is going 100mph, write a to-do list for the next day so you are prepared. You can let go of responsibility of those duties right now – you’ve written them down, you won’t forget.
  • Share the load: Worry people are a good way of unloading your anxieties. Unburden yourself to someone (NB: also works with real people).
  • Lavender’s blue, dilly dilly: There are plenty of sleep products out there but if you’re not into popping pills, try Badger Balm or the Body Shop’s Sleep Mist.
  • Talk-down: If all else fails, put on a guided mediation video or music. I like the idea of this Lord of the Rings/ Rivendell one!

Time for bee-byes… Sleep well, my little hobbits!

Masturdating – the science, the art.

Here’s a handy guide to masturdation which, in case you were wondering, or misreading, means the following:

Masturdation: n. the act of spending time with oneself, in the manner of a two person date, but (terrifyingly, beautifully) alone.

Silence may not be golden but a bit of solitude is good for the soul. It helps ground you, focus your mind and see what’s really going on in that little noggin of yours. It’s a space where you can value both yourself and your loved ones at the same time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Here’s how I masturdate:

  • Loser lunches: My charmingly-titled go-to self-date. It’s liberating and delicious. Try it.
  • Haul it in: I am the charity-shop fisherwoman. Nothing like the silvery glow of a day’s catch.
  • A-muse me: Museums – free and full of lovely, useless imformation. A good place to write.
  • The gall of some people: Get me to the gallery, get inspired.
  • Touchy-feely: Have someone pummel your back. Preferably a professional.
  • Limber up: Go to a yoga class or crack out the mat. Sun salutations or a cat nap – it all counts.
  • Get hairy: Find a good hairdresser and trust them.
  • Stack up: Libraries are much bigger on the inside.
  • Aromatherapy: Go somewhere that smells really good, like Lush. Breathe deeply and exhale whatever’s stinking up your life.
  • Pet Shop, boys: Enough fluffy to make life less sucky.

So, how do you do it?

How to streamline your life.

It’s easy to get caught up in stuff, whether emotional or physical – sometimes you need to muck out and let the horse crap of your past fertilise your fallow future (I’m big on metaphors and bucolic imagery). So cut the crap, live little for a while and see how the world gets bigger than the inside of your head.

  • Set Fire to the Rain: Burn things. Burn your ex’s t-shirts, your old school books, Christmas cards from people you hate, whatever it is that you’ve been hoarding away – take back the space.
  • Get creative: Write a song or a poem. Title it, ‘Fuck (insert object of your aggression here)’
  • Release the beast: Scream into a pillow. Pillow optional. Release brings renewal.
  • Pantry party: Use up everything in your cupboards, clean them, restock in an orderly fashion.
  • Sell-out: Sell any of your possessions that have bad associations. Especially that red dress… I know what you did last summer.
  • Discoball: Make something shiny with old CDs. Inspiration here.
  • Trink-ing of you: Have something that reminds you of someone? Write them a lovely letter and send them a little trinket. Unclutter and reconnect in one fell swoop.
  • Bastards, cripples and broken things: Like Tyrion, we all have a place in our hearts for the imperfect. But be realistic. If you have a single shoe, get rid. If you have multiple breadmakers with no home, get online and find them one.
  • Get to the bottom of it: Simmer in the last of your Christmas smellies, hold a fire festival in your house with your half-burnt candles.

Life can be a bit treacly sometimes and a bunch of stuff weighing you down will only get you drowned in delicious, deadly treacle. So inhale that cow-pat-scented air and let it clear out your sinuses. Bucolic enough for you?

Default is just a detail.

I start this from my default position which is, of course, fear. ‘A-bit-of-a-worrier’ doesn’t quite cut the proverbial mustard in my case. And Black Dog doesn’t seem to cover my off-days. But I know, in that magic way that mothers always know when its going to rain and you’re going to need your raincoat, that the world is going to keep being beautiful in spite of all that. In spite of war, discrimination, hatred, the world keeps turning and as long as it is there will always be beauty in it. I like beautiful things. I like honesty. I would like to share both with you. So here’s my world, the everyday and the extraordinary, the madness and the method. Welcome, we’re all mad here.