Here’s a handy guide to masturdation which, in case you were wondering, or misreading, means the following:
Masturdation: n. the act of spending time with oneself, in the manner of a two person date, but (terrifyingly, beautifully) alone.
Silence may not be golden but a bit of solitude is good for the soul. It helps ground you, focus your mind and see what’s really going on in that little noggin of yours. It’s a space where you can value both yourself and your loved ones at the same time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
Here’s how I masturdate:
- Loser lunches: My charmingly-titled go-to self-date. It’s liberating and delicious. Try it.
- Haul it in: I am the charity-shop fisherwoman. Nothing like the silvery glow of a day’s catch.
- A-muse me: Museums – free and full of lovely, useless imformation. A good place to write.
- The gall of some people: Get me to the gallery, get inspired.
- Touchy-feely: Have someone pummel your back. Preferably a professional.
- Limber up: Go to a yoga class or crack out the mat. Sun salutations or a cat nap – it all counts.
- Get hairy: Find a good hairdresser and trust them.
- Stack up: Libraries are much bigger on the inside.
- Aromatherapy: Go somewhere that smells really good, like Lush. Breathe deeply and exhale whatever’s stinking up your life.
- Pet Shop, boys: Enough fluffy to make life less sucky.
So, how do you do it?